It's been a long time since I posted. In all honesty I haven't really known what to post about. I've been wanting to write a post about something for a while now and have been struggling with deciding whether it was right to do or not. But I feel that it is something I want to say, no matter how late I am. So here goes...
My best friend suffered a great loss a few weeks ago. One of his friends, a girl in his class, tragically died, suddenly and shockingly. She was young, the same age as myself. She was good friends with a various amount of my close friends and her death rippled through the college and the live's of the people that attend.
It's truly hard to know what to say in those sorts of situations. You read books and watch films were the protagonists are surrounded by heartbreaking situations like that and you convince yourself you'd be perfectly fine and strong if you were put into that position. But the truth is the moment you are hit with it every word of encouragement and sentence of comfort you have planned disappears and your mouth goes dry, your mind goes into shock and you can do nothing but cry, for even though they aren't your friend really, you know how much the people you love will be suffering and how you can do nothing to change it.
It made me think of the fragility of life, how nothing is certain. We cannot predict tomorrow. We cannot judge the lateness of the bus or even the end of the world. Life can be taken in the blink of an eye, the beat of a heart, without warning or time to understand. It's a cruel reality, a heart-wrenching truth, and one everyone wishes they could change. Not only for themselves, but for the people they love, even for the people they don't know. Because nobody should have to deal with something so heart-breaking.
But though life can be taken in such an instance, during the time that this happened I realised how much one person can affect the live's around them. As the messages poured into the girl's Facebook, they weren't messages of hate and guilt, they were words of love and sorrow. Of how much she would be missed. But there was no blame shouldered onto anyone, because there was no one to blame. In desperate times we all want to force the blame onto someone, just to put reason to a horrible thing. But there was only talk of being in a 'better place' and of the memories each and every person shared with her. Her family's posts, her best friend's words and even jokes, moved me to tears. Because they weren't regretful, only happy that they got the time they did. That they would savour every moment forever. It was beautiful in every single way.
In the hundreds of messages posted in memory of her I saw that she was a part of so many things, involved - even if unintentionally - in so many moments. Everyone is in a photo, a conversation, that they will never know about. If you ever feel lonely in this world, just remember that someone, somehow, will always know you.
During this time all I wanted to do was comfort. And cry. The crying was probably due to the fact that I'm overly emotional, but the moment I saw my best friend I wanted to hug him, hard and for a long time. Because even if it doesn't feel like the right time or place, everyone needs comfort. To be reminded that they are surrounded by love. Because no one can live without love. And I think that the expression of that love on the girl's Facebook page and the love she clearly shared with so many is a wonderful example of that.
This post was something I was never sure I was going to write, or ever going to even say, but I wanted to share this. In memory of her, in assurance of all my friends that I am here for them, whenever they need me to be. I didn't know the girl too well, perhaps a passing smile, a few sentences exchanged, but she was a major part of the live's of the people around me. It feels right in a way to write this, but terrifying at the same time.
I have purposely left out the names in this piece, for confidentiality and respect. I apologise if this offends or upsets any readers, especially people who know me, but forgive me, I love you all and wanted you to know.
I have so much more to say, but for now, this is enough. This is what I want people to know.
Signing off...
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