Writing is hard. That's the initial statement I am going to give. People assume you get an idea, you sit down at a laptop, open up a word document and go. But it is far more complicated. You have to build the idea into a plot and the plot into a viable story. Then you have to create character arcs with every detail of that characters life written down within it - their hair colour, eye colour, favourite song, fears, dreams, annoying habits - despite whether it's going into the book or not. Then coordinate every idea you have into the order of an exciting story. And then make sure it's actually going to exciting. Because of book that's not worth reading is a book that's not worth writing. That's my philosophy anyway.
Then you actually have to start. It may sound simple enough, but writing a beginning that people will actually want to read is torturous. You go back over the work after thinking it's genius and read it saying to yourself, 'what in God's name was I thinking?' and furiously hit the backspace button. For my current novel I wrote roughly ten - fifteen beginnings and still ended up writing a new one after deciding on my favourite. The tone, the language, the setting - everything has to be perfect. Because who wants to read a book that has a crap beginning? No matter how great the ending is.
I write a lot. Every opportunity I get I will be on my laptop, tapping away. If not I'll be sitting at a table, notebook in hand. I even sleep with an open notebook beside my bed in case I get hit by any ideas in the night - which has happened on countless occasions. I love to write, it's my one passion, my dream job. But I struggle. I crucify myself with criticism, constantly have my finger hovering over the delete button, always be referring to other books in a panic that I haven't written something right. I've deleted many documents and put dozens other in a storage folder on my computer, never to be shown to the world. Constantly I sit there thinking 'why would anyone ever want to read this? It's not as good as the published novels that I read and love. There are so many others that write better in this genre. What am I even doing right now?' If any writer ever tells you that they don't go through this at least three times a week, then they're outright lying to you. Because every writer - every person for that fact - has that moment, even if it is just a fleeting moment, of complete and utter self-doubt. That crazed frenzy where they believe they can't go on and that they are utterly useless at what they do and why not just go out onto the street and set up the cardboard box home now.
But the greatest thing? When I write and I get so involved with the characters that it doesn't matter. When all that I care about in that moment is whatever they're saying or doing. Because - despite how crazy it makes me sound - they are real to me. Just as lyrics are real and truthful to a singer, my characters are my best friends and worst enemies. And then to go back and actually realise 'wait a minute, this actually quite good' sends such a wave of relief through my body that I can't help but smile.
To have someone appreciate your work is indescribable. It's one thing for you to love the story and feel everything the character does is one thing, but to have somebody else - even if it is just your best friend - read the book and cry when a character dies or rage furiously when the protagonist is betrayed is so satisfying and awesome. That is the only way to put it. Utterly awesome. Because it's not something you expect. Sure, a lot of people write because they want people to know the story, but for people to actually like the story.. It just never gets old.
Writers always conduct interviews saying that when they write they're not thinking about publishers or agents or book tours. But if you write without thinking of the gratifications of it, why are you writing? Writing because you love it fills a massive void that would be hollow emptiness without it. But every writer's dream is undoubtedly to get published and travel the world with the fame of their book, knowing it's loved and cherished by thousands. With the pride that they caused that, that it was their words that created such a uproar of emotion. I mean, would J.K Rowling have still written another six books if the first had only sold a handful of copies? Would Stephanie Meyer still be writing if 'Twilight' had been a book casually spotted in a second hand bookstore? Writing isn't a full-time job unless you're selling books. Everyone knows that. You don't even have to be in the market to have that knowledge.
I'm not yet published. I'm currently writing a novel and it's going really well. I desperately hope this is the novel I can confidently send out to agents. I don't know if it makes me greedy or doing it all for the wrong reasons, but one day it's my dream to be a published author and to have books all over the world, being enjoyed by thousands.
It's a scary concept being a writer. It's unpredictable and unreliable. But you can't help what you love. And that same thing could be said about any career.
You just have to take a chance and fight for your dreams. Because if you're not going to fight who is?
Signing Off..
