The big scary 'U'...

It's been a very long time since I've written a blog people and that's mostly because nothing was happening in my life back in April. But a lot has happened since then, giving me some blog material.

In this particular blog I'm approaching that big important 'U'. In case you can't work out what the hell I'm talking about - per usual - it's University.

The majority of my friends and year all disappeared from my home town this September and dispersed across the country, to their respective new homes.
I, however, am still in the same place, having missed the boat that sailed to the land of University. Back in October last year, when everyone made their choices of which University to attend, I was at a loss. I had no idea what I wanted to study, let alone where I wanted to pack myself off too. As a writer you think my choice would have been easy - writing. But at the time I wasn't really aware that there was a writing course, if I'm honest. My ambition had always been to go and study English Literature at University. It was what I was good at after all. But after having to take my AS exam three times I quite clearly saw that perhaps I wasn't as good as I thought I was. I was then stuck with nothing. So as everyone else chose their courses and attended open days, I still had no clue what I was doing with my life.
It wasn't until July this year that I finally discovered the course for me. It was as if it had been screaming at me all this time, waving it's tiny university arms saying 'pick me! pick me!' and I had been blind to it. And with the discovery of the course came the quick decision of my ideal University. I'm now going to study Creative Writing and Media at Kingston University (hopefully) to try and get into the literary and publishing business. But by the time this years term came around I had missed the marker for my chance at going this year. There was always the possibility of going through clearing, but the idea of packing up my life and moving to a place I'd never been before to attend a University I'd never seen terrified me, so that wasn't an option.
Instead I watched all my friends leave. There are a few us left here and those few are quickly becoming my close friends.


It may sound like I've just moaned about my idiocy in this blog, but what I'm trying to get at is University is huge. It's a painful process and a massive life change. You leave home, you live alone for possibly the first time in your life and you become an actual adult. You study for a degree; a crucially important qualification in your future. And in those three or four years that you spend away you discover who you really are. You may finally see what sort of person you have become or will become, you might realise you don't really like the subject at all (which will suck for you). You never know, you might even find love.

Seeing all the photos posted on Facebook over the past few weeks of people at Freshers, makes me feel like all my friends are now significantly older than me. They make me excited for when my turn comes around.

All I want to say to any of my 'Uni friends' reading this is don't forget me! aha! Have a great time, don't miss a moment and look out for me next year, because I'm coming for y'all.

Signing off.

Falling in Love With the Sound of Music..

You know when you watch a TV program and hear a song that makes you stop whatever you're doing in that moment and just listen? Or perhaps when you're on YouTube and you click a link at the side of the video you're currently watching and it takes you to something great.

That feeling when you discover a new love for something you felt you should have had a hold on for all your life is a hard feeling to describe. All in one moment you are alive, you are in love, you are excited to share it with anyone that is willing to listen.

That doesn't necessarily just describe the feeling of discovering new music; perhaps you're not such a fan of music. But when you are passionate about something or someone - which I believe everyone has; some sort of passion and drive for at least one thing - you want to shout it from the rooftops or scream out the lyrics or words with all the force of your lungs.

This happens to me when I find a song that I feel like my ears should have been hearing for years. Currently this song is Sorrowing Man by Colour and City - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAMDfVHsxpk 

Next week it will probably be a completely different song or book or film. In fact I can pretty much guarantee that's how it will be. But for this moment this is what I love, this is what I'm excited about.
And though you may all think I'm a little crazy to be this 'ohmygodthisissoawesome' about a song, give it a listen and you might understand why. You might not, but at least you've given it a chance.

This was just something simple, something unimportant I wanted to share.

Signing off.

In a Moment of Sadness There Is Always some Sparkle of Hope and Happiness..

I mentioned in an earlier post that a young girl died recently, unexpectedly, bringing sadness to many of my friends and classmates at college. Today they decided to do something about this death, something that didn't involved dismay or bereavement. They decided to remember her in the best way possible.

An event was organised, so small yet with an impact that made it beautiful in so many ways. All around the college I saw purple. On people's T-shirts, whether it was in patterns or stripes or the entity, on basic things like socks and through make-up. People wore purple in memory of the young girl's vibrancy and to commemorate her happy life. The colour was everywhere, no matter how small or how much. People who barely knew her or who didn't know her at all wore the colour and that in itself was a wonderful sight. For people to care in a way that they had no idea they were doing. To comfort without saying a word or offering any contact.

But today was also about something else. It was about raising awareness for a particular charity. This charity is called CRY - Cardiac Risk in the Young. CRY is a charitable organization that helps raise awareness of cardiac risk - of Sudden Cardiac Death and Sudden Death Syndrome. It initially promotes the heart screening of young people and contributes to medical research. It holds ECG screenings, donates medical equipment to hospitals and offers support to suffering families and friends that have lost someone to these conditions. Their work is miraculous and amazing, but they, like any charity, desperately need your help. They need donations to help keep up what they are already doing.

Though I was disappointed with the few buckets and pots around college offering people the chance to donate, I have heard that we as a college raised over £200 in aid of the charity.

I can't do much and that annoys me because I feel useless. But some of you read this blog and those few of you can do something with me. This is my way of helping and doing something worthwhile toward this.

This charity has the potential to save many lives, even with just a small donation that you can offer. Please, follow the link, look around the site and research it, give what you can - no matter how little or large. http://www.c-r-y.org.uk/donate.htm

Thanks for taking the time to read this and everyone who took part today, you did a good thing. Everyone that donated, you're great in many ways and just remember your money has gone toward someone's life that may have been lost without the loose change in your pocket.

To the organisers of today, I salute you. I wish I could hug you. You are absolutely brilliant and wonderful, caring and loving people who should be proud of what they've achieved.

To those of you reading this click the link. Please.

Signing off...

The Look Of Love

I'm not really one to celebrate Valentine's Day. In all honesty I've never really had anyone to share it with. I also think that if you love someone it should be shown everyday, not on one designated day of the year where it's expected.
HOWEVER! Saying that, I do think that Valentines Day can be special. The people who take it seriously and are genuinely romantic I commend.. and want to know where I can get one of my own. Haha! It is a day where people can truly express what they feel for one another without it seeming too geeky or smooshy.
I'm a killer for romance, anyone that knows me knows that I say 'awh' to every little declaration and I have to say, I found this wonderful video that is just so sweet and so cool all at the same time -

Anyone currently celebrating Valentine's Day with the person they love or are only just falling in love with, I hope you have a wonderful day and evening and it puts a smile on your face in this dreary February month =) <3

Ramblings and Updates =)

A friend reminded me today that I hadn't blogged in a LONG time.. I don't know why really.. Just haven't really thought I had anything all that interesting today...
I'll catch you guys up, get this thing rolling again -

I finally bought the plane ticket's for me and my friends to go on holiday!! I'm so excited!! Five of us, going to Spain, in July. College will be over, exams done. It will be a well deserved break in the sun, sea and sand of Calpe. It has been a gruelling and stressful process so far, don't get me wrong. With the disorganisation of 18 year old students it was bound to be. We knew nothing of airports, plane tickets, travel insurance, travel costs. I've had people drop out, people join, people become increasingly indecisive. Along with myself only two of the original travellers are still going! Haha! However we have been joined by some very enthusiastic and excited fellow travellers who cannot wait to get going and have a great laugh!! After I received the money from the finalised bunch, pressed the 'book' button on the Easyjet website, the excitement began to build. None of us have ever been on an independent holiday where we have to act as true adults - like we're already supposed to be. I honestly cannot wait until July now. It couldn't come fast enough =D


I have been working on a novel for the past few months now, and though it's gone through it's near-impossible stages, I'm finally on a role with it. It's currently over 63,500 words long, on 114 pages and barely into the thick of the plot. It's a exciting process and I'm loving every second of being immersed in the world created by my characters and their troubles. I almost scrapped the idea a fair few times over, doubting the plot and myself, finding it impossible to work with, but I am increasingly glad that I didn't. It is a piece I am loving and for once truly confident in. Which is rare for me! Haha! There are so many possibilities that I am thrilled to be able to delve into and explore over the next few months of writing... And I have also gained some anxious readers which is a fantastic prospect and lovely to have. Support is always needed, wanted and adored.

I also happened to have the opportunity to see a certain Mr Murs in concert too.. And he was bloody brilliant!! I was excited when going along to the Brighton Centre, listening to his music and remembering how much I loved his voice but it wasn't until I heard him sing live once again and enjoy his banter with the audience did I remember how much I truly adored the man! He isn't my usual choice in music, his style out of my comfort range of pop-punkish, but I find it difficult not to smile at his upbeat, catchy tunes and charming personality! I've seen him before in concert, at London Hammersmith Apollo last year, and knew that he was utterly amazing already. Accompanied with a vast selection of his new music last night, he somehow managed to outdo himself entirely! I love falling in love with an artist all over again, it is one of the most wonderful feelings ever =)
His support act, Lilygreen and Maguire, are also a band I would like to recommend everyone go listen to! They are such charming boys who have absolutely gorgeous voices. I fell in love with them and their music last night and I truly hope they get far. But they need everyone's support! Look them up on twitter under the name of 'lilygandmaguire' and find them on Facebook, give them a listen! =)





OK, I'll stop this rambling now and let you all get on with your daily doings...

Signing off..

When the mind fails, speak from the heart...

It's been a long time since I posted. In all honesty I haven't really known what to post about. I've been wanting to write a post about something for a while now and have been struggling with deciding whether it was right to do or not. But I feel that it is something I want to say, no matter how late I am. So here goes...

My best friend suffered a great loss a few weeks ago. One of his friends, a girl in his class, tragically died, suddenly and shockingly. She was young, the same age as myself. She was good friends with a various amount of my close friends and her death rippled through the college and the live's of the people that attend.
It's truly hard to know what to say in those sorts of situations. You read books and watch films were the protagonists are surrounded by heartbreaking situations like that and you convince yourself you'd be perfectly fine and strong if you were put into that position. But the truth is the moment you are hit with it every word of encouragement and sentence of comfort you have planned disappears and your mouth goes dry, your mind goes into shock and you can do nothing but cry, for even though they aren't your friend really, you know how much the people you love will be suffering and how you can do nothing to change it.
It made me think of the fragility of life, how nothing is certain. We cannot predict tomorrow. We cannot judge the lateness of the bus or even the end of the world. Life can be taken in the blink of an eye, the beat of a heart, without warning or time to understand. It's a cruel reality, a heart-wrenching truth, and one everyone wishes they could change. Not only for themselves, but for the people they love, even for the people they don't know. Because nobody should have to deal with something so heart-breaking.
But though life can be taken in such an instance, during the time that this happened I realised how much one person can affect the live's around them. As the messages poured into the girl's Facebook, they weren't messages of hate and guilt, they were words of love and sorrow. Of how much she would be missed. But there was no blame shouldered onto anyone, because there was no one to blame. In desperate times we all want to force the blame onto someone, just to put reason to a horrible thing. But there was only talk of being in a 'better place' and of the memories each and every person shared with her. Her family's posts, her best friend's words and even jokes, moved me to tears. Because they weren't regretful, only happy that they got the time they did. That they would savour every moment forever. It was beautiful in every single way.
In the hundreds of messages posted in memory of her I saw that she was a part of so many things, involved - even if unintentionally - in so many moments. Everyone is in a photo, a conversation, that they will never know about. If you ever feel lonely in this world, just remember that someone, somehow, will always know you.
During this time all I wanted to do was comfort. And cry. The crying was probably due to the fact that I'm overly emotional, but the moment I saw my best friend I wanted to hug him, hard and for a long time. Because even if it doesn't feel like the right time or place, everyone needs comfort. To be reminded that they are surrounded by love. Because no one can live without love. And I think that the expression of that love on the girl's Facebook page and the love she clearly shared with so many is a wonderful example of that.

This post was something I was never sure I was going to write, or ever going to even say, but I wanted to share this. In memory of her, in assurance of all my friends that I am here for them, whenever they need me to be. I didn't know the girl too well, perhaps a passing smile, a few sentences exchanged, but she was a major part of the live's of the people around me. It feels right in a way to write this, but terrifying at the same time.

I have purposely left out the names in this piece, for confidentiality and respect. I apologise if this offends or upsets any readers, especially people who know me, but forgive me, I love you all and wanted you to know.

I have so much more to say, but for now, this is enough. This is what I want people to know.

Signing off...

Put pen to paper.. And now what?

So, when I introduced myself to you all I mentioned that I'm a writer. So to do a post about writing is common sense really. So here goes....

Writing is hard. That's the initial statement I am going to give. People assume you get an idea,  you sit down at a laptop, open up a word document and go. But it is far more complicated. You have to build the idea into a plot and the plot into a viable story. Then you have to create character arcs with every detail of that characters life written down within it - their hair colour, eye colour, favourite song, fears, dreams, annoying habits - despite whether it's going into the book or not. Then coordinate every idea you have into the order of an exciting story. And then make sure it's actually going to exciting. Because of book that's not worth reading is a book that's not worth writing. That's my philosophy anyway.
Then you actually have to start. It may sound simple enough, but writing a beginning that people will actually want to read is torturous. You go back over the work after thinking it's genius and read it saying to yourself, 'what in God's name was I thinking?' and furiously hit the backspace button. For my current novel I wrote roughly ten - fifteen beginnings and still ended up writing a new one after deciding on my favourite. The tone, the language, the setting - everything has to be perfect. Because who wants to read a book that has a crap beginning? No matter how great the ending is.

I write a lot. Every opportunity I get I will be on my laptop, tapping away. If not I'll be sitting at a table, notebook in hand. I even sleep with an open notebook beside my bed in case I get hit by any ideas in the night - which has happened on countless occasions. I love to write, it's my one passion, my dream job. But I struggle. I crucify myself with criticism, constantly have my finger hovering over the delete button, always be referring to other books in a panic that I haven't written something right. I've deleted many documents and put dozens other in a storage folder on my computer, never to be shown to the world. Constantly I sit there thinking 'why would anyone ever want to read this? It's not as good as the published novels that I read and love. There are so many others that write better in this genre. What am I even doing right now?' If any writer ever tells you that they don't go through this at least three times a week, then they're outright lying to you. Because every writer - every person for that fact - has that moment, even if it is just a fleeting moment, of complete and utter self-doubt. That crazed frenzy where they believe they can't go on and that they are utterly useless at what they do and why not just go out onto the street and set up the cardboard box home now.

But the greatest thing? When I write and I get so involved with the characters that it doesn't matter. When all that I care about in that moment is whatever they're saying or doing. Because - despite how crazy it makes me sound - they are real to me. Just as lyrics are real and truthful to a singer, my characters are my best friends and worst enemies. And then to go back and actually realise 'wait a minute, this actually quite good' sends such a wave of relief through my body that I can't help but smile.

To have someone appreciate your work is indescribable. It's one thing for you to love the story and feel everything the character does is one thing, but to have somebody else - even if it is just your best friend - read the book and cry when a character dies or rage furiously when the protagonist is betrayed is so satisfying and awesome. That is the only way to put it. Utterly awesome. Because it's not something you expect. Sure, a lot of people write because they want people to know the story, but for people to actually like the story.. It just never gets old.

Writers always conduct interviews saying that when they write they're not thinking about publishers or agents or book tours. But if you write without thinking of the gratifications of it, why are you writing? Writing because you love it fills a massive void that would be hollow emptiness without it. But every writer's dream is undoubtedly to get published and travel the world with the fame of their book, knowing it's loved and cherished by thousands. With the pride that they caused that, that it was their words that created such a uproar of emotion. I mean, would J.K Rowling have still written another six books if the first had only sold a handful of copies? Would Stephanie Meyer still be writing if 'Twilight' had been a book casually spotted in a second hand bookstore? Writing isn't a full-time job unless you're selling books. Everyone knows that. You don't even have to be in the market to have that knowledge.

I'm not yet published. I'm currently writing a novel and it's going really well. I desperately hope this is the novel I can confidently send out to agents. I don't know if it makes me greedy or doing it all for the wrong reasons, but one day it's my dream to be a published author and to have books all over the world, being enjoyed by thousands.
It's a scary concept being a writer. It's unpredictable and unreliable. But you can't help what you love. And that same thing could be said about any career.
You just have to take a chance and fight for your dreams. Because if you're not going to fight who is?

Signing Off..

Why Are Reality TV Shows So Addictive When They're So Crap?

I admit, I watch some reality TV shows. X Factor, I'm A Celeb, Britain's Got Talent.. But some shows are just ridiculous - I despise TOWIE, Made In Chelsea, Big Brother - they're just people trying their hardest to be famous - and failing in the process. But they are so popular it's unbelievable. But I think I've cracked it -
They're so popular because they're ridiculously cringey that it makes it impossible to tear your eyes away from the screen.
I'm A Celeb - you just can't stop yourself from watching those horrendous trails, no matter how sick they make you feel
X Factor - you just have to see what sort of crap this nation can churn up next. You'd think we'd seen it all already, but apparently they just keep appearing..
TOWIE - I see no real appeal, but I suppose it's the overexxagerated story lines, the utter stupidity of the people in the show.. Perhaps the appeal of feeling that you're smarter than at least the majority of Essex..

Every year these shows get worse, yet every year their ratings grow and we carry on tuning into those channels at 7 o'clock and wasting our weekends away...

Well, Hi There I Guess...

Hi, guys =)
I've never actually done one of these things before so I apologise for anything embarrassing I say or do and I hope that I don't bore you all too much =L
Don't expect anything too inspiring - mostly pointless chitchat about the things that go on in my life and head..

A little bit about me then whilst we're here =)
My name is Charlotte =) I'm a fictional novelist with the hopes of being published one day. I've wanted to be a writer since the age of about 10 and I don't really know what else I'd do with myself if I couldn't do that as a living.. For now though I'm in my second year at college, pretty much failing but trying my best as I do =L I have been addicted to Facebook, Twitter and various fansites for all my favourite books. Now I can't stand Facebook really, can be found on Twitter a lot of the time, rambling away, and I still stalk my favourite books for months after, completely obsessed. I have two younger siblings, I can't cook anything but pasta, I have no particular fashion sense apart from skinny jeans and band tees - if you count that as a fashion.. I'm a sap when it comes to love and romance, I can always be found with a book or pen and paper in my hand and would love to travel the world one day. I have little common sense, spend most of my time with my head in the clouds or my current novel that I'm writing and I'm too forgiving for my own good.

So yeah, hope that you enjoy what I have to post. Can't promise my posts will be at any particular time of the month/week. Just whenever I feel like it/have something interesting to say/have the time to post.

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